So, our family dynamic has been somewhat challenging these last few weeks/months. Like, it’s not feeling all that fun, easy, flowy, exciting. We’re in a bit of a rut, you might say.
Lots of things are probably contributing, like the age difference between my kids (enjoyable family activities seem harder to come by these days), my husband’s current workload (which is a blessing for many reasons!), my teen’s desire for distance and her somewhat confrontational attitude with her little sis, my weird digestive issues…
Let’s just say, it’s not our best time as a family. It kind of feels like the lights are dimmed.
And that’s okay.
As the quote above says, it’s okay to just be OK. And I’ve been realizing lately how little we actually tell the truth about how we are. When people ask me how I am in passing, I want to respond with my usual “great, wonderful, super, fine! Ça va bien!”
It’d be easier, but it wouldn’t be honest. I want to be honest. I know honest is the way forward. I’m not afraid of honest.
So I’m responding with, “OK.”
And it throws people off. Which makes me feel a little mad, confused, ashamed, and regretful that I said anything in the first place. Hmmmm. We are so not used to this, are we?
See, here’s the thing though.I know we’ll find a better groove again. This is just a dimmed out phase in our long lives together. I am seriously OK with this. I have hope, faith and the tools to help us work through these up and down feelings and frustrations.
But in exploring how I speak about the fact that I’m “just OK”, I am learning how often we avoid this simple level of honesty.
So when I get the questions that follow my “I’m ok” response (because people assume the worst!), I assure them I am really and truly fine. I am just OK. Not super, not fabulous, not great.
When we allow our feelings room and we then give them the respect they deserve (by not hiding them from ourselves and others), we give them space to move and be heard. To move through us so they can eventually move on. They don’t stay trapped inside. THIS IS CRUCIAL.
And it’s crucial because it works. I am starting to feel a shift. I’m closer and closer to getting back to “good”. Who knows, maybe my birthday next week will bump me into feeling great again?
Either way, I’m OK.
How do you feel about being just OK? Can you relate to this feeling and the social stigma around it? Do you ever feel like “something is wrong with me” for feeling just OK?